Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is Oprah even human
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
