OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
