even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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