Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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