all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
