I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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