are you still at the devil's house?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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