dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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