I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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