I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
