Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
