theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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