My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
