You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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