that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
