Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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