here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
