Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
