I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we're so committed to being not committed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
