I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
