If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
