Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You work out of a Hotel?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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