my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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