whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
