420 ftw
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
