I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I supernannyed him into submission
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
