their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I puked a lego.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
