No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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