I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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