drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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