Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
