I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
