that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
