Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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