My room smells like vodka and shame
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
