He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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