a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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