she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
