yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
