I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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