Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
