Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
