Christians are straight up FREAKS
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
