She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
