Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
