Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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