Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
