if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
