bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
