I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
