My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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