life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
