Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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