Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
